Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Randomize
