Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
