All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
