billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it's like iHOP with fire
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
