Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
