dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
