I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
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