Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
