Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize