The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize