i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
It's like God shit irony all over that family
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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