were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
