I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Randomize
