Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
