Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
