Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Me. At least after what I've been through.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I just want to make out with him forever
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
