She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
Randomize
