Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just googled if crying burns calories
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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