I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
