Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
We need to rekindle our bromance
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
