then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
fuck your aforementioned shoe
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
