so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
