Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
