just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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