She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
