Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize