thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
