she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
