I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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