WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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