Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
