if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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