Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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