It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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