i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
