Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
