HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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