apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
