i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
