Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
