You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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