I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
why do cheetos always look like penises
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
