nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
