Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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