Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I think I just sharted jello shots
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
