your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
