what day is it and did you see me today?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
