I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dignity is for republicans.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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