Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
