Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
