his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
