omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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