my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
