i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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