I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize