WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
