Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
