So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just cropdusted the office
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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