Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
