The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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