every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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