I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
