How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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