More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
