Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
