We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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