I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
