Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Randomize
