1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
