Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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